


Human Soda Rocket

by Smuppetsona (CarcharodonOrcinus)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Domestic, M/M, soda out the nose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 03:21:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10453803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarcharodonOrcinus/pseuds/Smuppetsona
Summary: Living with your boyfriend has the unexpected consequence of being caught off-guard time to time.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Harles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harles/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Viv!

Going over a hundred miles an hour, The Rock swung the car around, doing donut after donut and wiping out the approaching crowd of cybernetically enhanced zombies. They exploded into a spray of gore, then their electronic parts exploded more literally. A chain of small bursts of flame engulfed The Rocks fancy car, but it held fast, protecting its most precious driver.

Dirk was furiously tapping away his movie notes on his phone. TR: so, so hot. Explosions Michael-Bayesque. Zombies pointless. Corny. But hot. What car.

Once the army of zombies was nothing but a smouldering wreckage, The Rock stepped outside, his forehead and arms glistening with sweat.

_ I’m gay, _ Dirk typed.

In the still of double death, the helicopter camera panned over the expanse of the battlefield, highlighting him as the only one alive in any manner of speaking. They switched to a ground cam, panning again on the x-axis, then zooming in on his face, remorse for the fate of everyone double dead around him pooling in his eyes, as The Rock gets ready to deliver the iconic, title drop line of the movie.

Dirk leans on the edge of his seat. He takes a sip of his orange soda in anticipation.

_ SLAM! _

Soda shoots out of his nose, spraying far and wide. He falls flat on his face in shock. The can in his hand rolls away, spilling more on the carpet. The door was agape, and a large figure silhouetted in shadow from the incoming outdoor light stood in the frame.

“Hey Dirk, I’m home!” John shouted, apparently unaware that the man he sought was lying on the ground.

He flicked on the light.

“What are doing on the floor, buddy?”

Not bothering to roll off of his face, Dirk muttered, “Watching a movie.”

“On the floor?”

Dirk attempted to nod, messing up his hair and shades in the process.

“Ooooo-kaaaay… Well, I’m going to pick you up anyway,” he said.

He scooped Dirk into his arms and flipped him back onto the couch. He pecked him on the cheek and pointed to the orange liquid on his boyfriend's face.

“You got soda on your face,” he said.

“Yea, I was practicing turning my body into a soda-based weapon when you came in. It was very successful; lotta soda on the floor now.”

John scanned over the room, finally noticing the wet stains on the carpet. 

“Woooow. You can be so clumsy!”

“Fight me.”

“I’ll go get a towel, you pick up the can and wash your face, then we can so rewatch that movie.”

“Bro, I was taking notes.”

“That’s boring! Wouldn’t you rather…” he closed in on Dirk, holding out his arms, “...kiss and cuddle? Kisses, cuddles, and movies! It does not get more fun than that!”

“...Fine,” he said, embracing John’s incoming hug, “Let’s get this cleaned up.”


End file.
